Posted by: Nicole on: December 8, 2011
Hey WordPress!! I haven’t posted in a long while. Don’t ask me what a long while is and excuse my typos I have been drinking. I will correct them in the morning. So it’s 4 am. I am at home celebrating my bday by myself while my fiance’ and kids sleep. I am watching Dane Cook and loving it. He rocks. On some off-chance Dane Cook reads this, yea right, please come to Columbus, Ohio. The year has been great. I am 31!! Fucking A!! or is it Fuckin Aye!! hahahahaha!! I am doing good. I am back in college working on my 2nd degree. I know professional student now! I have about 18 months until I get married, ( that whole divorce and remarried thing takes time), so I am happy. Kids are great. Daughter wants a laptop, iPod Touch, and iPhone for Christmas! hahahahahahaha!! oh quit playing. Can we afford it? Of course. Will she get it? Hell to the mother fucking no!! She will get an iPhone that she can use as an iPod Touch. We got her a desktop & a 40 inch HD TV. And all of this was given to her BEFORE Christmas. SO she better be happy with socks and candy canes in those stocking stuffers on 12/25. lol
But it’s my birthday. Another year old… can’t say another year wiser. Another year drunker that’s for damn sure. Having a great time! So what are my goals for this year that I won’t keep you ask? To lose weight. …hahahahhahahahah!! I know good one. I am not a fat chic, but I want to lose weight. I could be considered by some to fluffy. Though I do not consider myself a bunny so I can’t be fluffy. I have joined a gym. Well almost, I am waiting to get paid because I like to put things off. I have had the money, got the money, & don’t want to spend the money. But I set a hard commit date as my next paycheck. I want to finish my certification so I can transfer in to the IT industry. I also want to be divorced to my 1st husband by this time this year. Other than that, I want to love my kids, my mate, and my family. Throw a little world peace in the mix so I can sleep well at night and we have a fuckin good year!
I am drunk and don’t plan to write for long. Let me spell check this post & back to watching the Cook master( hahahahaha) I go!!
Posted by: Nicole on: August 5, 2011
Here is the post I posted on a forum:
Hi,
My name is Nichole. Funny thing. I went to the bar. Had about 3 double shots of crown royal and came home and googled AA forums online. I am not an alcoholic. The 1st step is my life has become unmanageable. My life isn’t. My life is great. I am a housewife. I don’t drink until the kids to sleep and I am managing my life really well. I go to college and have an A gpa. ( 3.76) It’s not unmanageable. I am not even sure I have a problem. All I know is occasionally, I feel lost. I feel that if I don’t drink, what would I do? I cook, clean, take care of the kids. I don’t really have a lot of friends. The ones I do have jobs and can’t spend a lot of time with me. My fiance’ is a recovering NA 26 years clean and goes to bed at 11pm. I don’t know… how do you know if you are in need of AA. I went to an AA mtg one time. At the time, I didn’t even drink. It appeared to be a bunch of whiny babies who wanted to have a boo hoo fest. I felt depressed. Life isn’t bad. It’s great. I woke up. lol. I don’t drink because I am sad. I drink out of boredom. ( I get to leave the house woo hoo!! lol)
I am 30. Started drinking.. ironically when I went to the Army. Well that’s a lie. I drank from 17 – 20 but had my 1st daughter and stopped. Went to the Army in 07 and started drinking again. I enjoy it. I like it. I am home all days with the kids. During the school year they are gone, but once they get home its extracurriculars times 10. I am a helicopter mom. I hover and I am proud of it. lol But I don’t have anything that is for me. I tried exercising. I tried a book club. I tried marathons. Nothing worked. Drinking does. I go to the bar and play the video games and have a good time. Occasionally someone flirts and it’s great. I don’t even drink at home because that would defeat the purpose. I like to go out. My fiance’ doesn’t really.
I can’t say I am a AA. My life is great. I have 2 great kids. A wonderful man. We take trips we have a ball. what is unmanageable?. And I don’t believe that functional alcoholic b.s. If you are functioning and not hurting anyone what’s the problem?? ( I know disease lol but the sun breeds skin cancer. lol I am not too concern with my health right now. Like the old adage says, ” only the good die young.” lol )
Only reason I think I am here is guilt. My fiance’ is a NA & AA survivor. I think i makes me feel guilty like what’s wrong with me? He doesn’t say anything. He said you’re an alcoholic if you can’t go the bar 30 days in a row and just drink 1 drink. bullish is what i say. Who wants to go the bar and drink 1 drink for 30 days?? I mean if you bet me a million dollars ok. But other than that… I go to have a few drinks and enjoy myself. So he is no help.
I just wish.. I guess my point is what’s wrong with coming home and having a few drinks? Is it a certain quantity you must drink before you become a functional AA? Where do you cross the line? I drink less than I did 3 years ago. Am I wrong for wanting to drink. Does anyone who drink regularly equate addiction? I guess I don’t know what is the litmus test to be an alcoholic.
I hate this. I hate being the only person in my home who drinks. I see the other people who don’t drink. They are boring. They want to fall asleep at 9pm and never want to do anything other than movies and dinner. I am confused right now.
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