Here is the post I posted on a forum:

Hi,
My name is Nichole. Funny thing. I went to the bar. Had about 3 double shots of crown royal and came home and googled AA forums online. I am not an alcoholic. The 1st step is my life has become unmanageable. My life isn’t. My life is great. I am a housewife. I don’t drink until the kids to sleep and I am managing my life really well. I go to college and have an A gpa. ( 3.76) It’s not unmanageable. I am not even sure I have a problem. All I know is occasionally, I feel lost. I feel that if I don’t drink, what would I do? I cook, clean, take care of the kids. I don’t really have a lot of friends. The ones I do have jobs and can’t spend a lot of time with me. My fiance’ is a recovering NA 26 years clean and goes to bed at 11pm. I don’t know… how do you know if you are in need of AA. I went to an AA mtg one time. At the time, I didn’t even drink. It appeared to be a bunch of whiny babies who wanted to have a boo hoo fest. I felt depressed. Life isn’t bad. It’s great. I woke up. lol. I don’t drink because I am sad. I drink out of boredom. ( I get to leave the house woo hoo!! lol)

I am 30. Started drinking.. ironically when I went to the Army. Well that’s a lie. I drank from 17 – 20 but had my 1st daughter and stopped. Went to the Army in 07 and started drinking again. I enjoy it. I like it. I am home all days with the kids. During the school year they are gone, but once they get home its extracurriculars times 10. I am a helicopter mom. I hover and I am proud of it. lol But I don’t have anything that is for me. I tried exercising. I tried a book club. I tried marathons. Nothing worked. Drinking does. I go to the bar and play the video games and have a good time. Occasionally someone flirts and it’s great. I don’t even drink at home because that would defeat the purpose. I like to go out. My fiance’ doesn’t really.

I can’t say I am a AA. My life is great. I have 2 great kids. A wonderful man. We take trips we have a ball. what is unmanageable?. And I don’t believe that functional alcoholic b.s. If you are functioning and not hurting anyone what’s the problem?? ( I know disease lol but the sun breeds skin cancer. lol I am not too concern with my health right now. Like the old adage says, ” only the good die young.” lol )

Only reason I think I am here is guilt. My fiance’ is a NA & AA survivor. I think i makes me feel guilty like what’s wrong with me? He doesn’t say anything. He said you’re an alcoholic if you can’t go the bar 30 days in a row and just drink 1 drink. bullish is what i say. Who wants to go the bar and drink 1 drink for 30 days?? I mean if you bet me a million dollars ok. But other than that… I go to have a few drinks and enjoy myself. So he is no help.

I just wish.. I guess my point is what’s wrong with coming home and having a few drinks? Is it a certain quantity you must drink before you become a functional AA? Where do you cross the line? I drink less than I did 3 years ago. Am I wrong for wanting to drink. Does anyone who drink regularly equate addiction? I guess I don’t know what is the litmus test to be an alcoholic.

I hate this. I hate being the only person in my home who drinks. I see the other people who don’t drink. They are boring. They want to fall asleep at 9pm and never want to do anything other than movies and dinner. I am confused right now.